August 2, 2009

Well the sun did come out for a bit and her name is Harley. She is a white female boxer and as sweet as can be. She cant replace Ellie, but she gives us all hope. Its hard not to look at her and smile. She approaches each moment like its going to be great. She assumes all will be well and doesnt seem to worry that anything bad will happen. I am trying to approach the world in that way myself but it doesnt always work. I always thought that everyone had an equal share of hardship in life but now I am not so sure. I thought my grown up life was going to be perfect since I was often sad as a child. I thought I am getting through the hard stuff at a young age. Although the wise adult I am becoming tells me that everyone is suprised how hard life is. I have moments even in my saddness where I can see how full things are. I have two beautiful boys and a husband who really love me. I know thats what counts, its just hard to think about losing 4 beautiful souls. Today I bought pink flowers for Ellie and laid them under our cherry tree. The tree sits under my bedroom window next to our pond. I leave the window open at night to feel close and often here the frogs chatting with her. My youngest is drawn to that tree. He will go over there and sit with the angels we have placed under the tree. I cant help but wonder if he can see them. The say children are so open that they often are the ones who can see angels. He certainly is drawn to the tree. My oldest doesnt notice for now at 5, he has learned to doubt those types of things. (not from me ofcourse). I told him the other day how he can always ask archangel Michael for help when he needs it. Throughout the day he continued to ask, "what was that man's name again." I love my children, even the ones I havent met. Maybe in the next life they will be the first to greet me. We will have a lot of catching up to do.