A new day....

So its been quite some time since I wrote. My last IUI was negative and I just felt like I really needed a break from it all. So last week I find out that I am pregnant again! Again! After finding out my emotions fluctuated between happiness and hope to fear and despair. I have prayed these last 10 months since losing Ellie for many things... sometime I prayed for Ellie to come back, sometimes I prayed for my desire for more children to go away and finally after the advice of my best friend prayed for whatever was in the best interest of everyone to happen. I have only known for a few days and had been coping fairly well until today. Today I started having tooth pain. The dentist believes I will need a root canal done, which means xrays and lidocaine. Everything says to wait until you are in your second trimester to do dental work if you can. Well, I cant wait. Somehow the axiety of all of it sent me over the edge this morning. I began to cry and cry and just hurt. I thought about all my losses and asked God directly to not ask me to hurt again. I dont want to ever feel that way again. I want to have hope but I have felt blindsided so many times. I try to just survive each day and hope that the next I am still pregnant. I would hope that God would not ask me to do this again, ie another loss, but what if God isnt in charge of this one. I am asking every gaurdian angel out there to protect me and this little one. Please show me your light and protection. I know I have got to get a hold of myself. I am hoping that I can soon.